I wish you all a very pleasant Offline

A restored thirst for normieness is afoot. You can feel it in the air. The flowers are budding, the ice is melting, and after a year-plus of hellish chaos-tweeting, the culture is chomping at the bit for a return to our most basic, lobotomized posting instincts. It's right around the corner. I'm telling you. 2021 is a rare opportunity to regress; to fully relish the many brain cells that have vanished throughout the trauma of the Covid era. We will once again cultivate benign Instagram feeds filled exclusively with images of dainty noodle bowls. Vacation photos will provoke high-engagement and soft envy as God intended, rather than long comment threads debating viral incubation periods. The boys will take group-selfies on rooftops — wayfarers on, arms over shoulders — positively captioned

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